There was a time when I didn’t want to hear or see anyone else’s baby. The sadness I felt was too much to handle. Having a baby of my own felt like it would never happen.

Here is my story-

We decided we were ready to have a baby, and just like any other decision in our lives this was under our own control. However, when that would happen was a different story.

After nothing happened for so long, we got some testing done, I had PCOS. Plus a non existent cycle, which made it impossible to track ovulation. Under a fertility doctors advice, we started with 6 rounds of clomid tablets. Nothing happened. IVF was our only option at that point, and we had a good go at it too, 5 rounds of IVF, which to some is a tiny number, but to me it was all I could take. I was devastated when on the 4th go I hyper stimulated and ended up in hospital with 2 litres of fluid in and around my internal organs, this fluid had to be drained and I was very very sick, to the point where I felt I was actually not going to make it. I was like a huge pimple, the nurse literally had me on a table, numbed an area, and whipped out a needle that was about the size of a kebab skewer and attached it to what looked like a garden hose. It took a little while and I had to help squeeze out my own fluid by actually using my hands and pushing the fluid towards the needle and yep we got 2 litres out!! After a short hospital stay and lots of morphine I was on the road to recovery.

We then found out that I also had a condition where my immune system actually rejects the embryo like its a virus. It would kill any embryo that would try to implant. With some steroid medication for the next cycle to depress my immune condition, our 5th cycle, we were finally given the gift of pregnancy. I then had moments from then on with threatened miscarriage and times of bed rest with subchorionic uterine bleeding but this finally cleared up after a few months of what was the most stressful time I had ever been through.

My baby girl was finally born, and instantly I was relieved of all the stress. It was in that very moment sadness was replaced with unimaginable happiness and love.

We were then blessed again and went on to have a naturally conceived little boy, born exactly two years later.

I wanted to put together an image, for anyone dealing with infertility. I hope you can use this image to encourage yourself that no matter what image you are going through right now, there is always a miracle. You’re not alone, your heartache and pain is one that I am very familiar with. I want to send you big hugs through the internet.

I’m so glad I was part of a group of girls on an infertility forum, where we could share our progress stories and we would all understand what each was going through.

My website and social media pages show endless images of beautiful babies, but for a moment let’s all think of all the families struggling with infertility. I prey you get your own little miracles soon, stay strong, don’t stay at home thinking, the best advise I have is, keep busy.

With all my love,

Tanha B